Anger

In any situation we can be faced with a person who is angry and taking it out on you. From experience, I have found that the person who is confronting me is actually angry about something else, yet it's manifesting itself in another way. So, I ride out the initial wave of anger and let them say what they feel the need to say. Then, I break down and repeat back to them the points they've raised. As I try to reach a resolution, I begin a conversation. Throughout the dialogue, I collect additional information which can often be revealing.

One time, a lady I was speaking to was complaining about a minor issue, but through conversation, I discerned that her handbag had been stolen. She had lost her purse which contained money, bank cards, etc. and priceless photographs of her family, some of whom had died. Hence, she needed her issue dealing with, as well as needing to express her emotional state regarding a) the theft & b) moving through the bereavement process. I did not offer advice but listened.

The need to be heard is a very strong need in humans. This requires active listening, not simply hearing what's said and glossing over it. And curiously the listener is frequently someone that they do not know. I personally think this is due to the way the afflicted person perceives the people they know; they presuppose the reactions and answers, and know how they will react. Therefore, speaking to someone who they don't know gives the opportunity to hear a fresh response, one that is not presupposed, not expected.

So next time someone sounds off at you, try to listen, get to the heart of the problem. You don't have to give advice, but actively listen so they feel heard, that someone has taken the time to listen to what's going on in their heart. Reach deeper and listen to the heart, not the anger.