Forgiveness

Why forgive when I can't forget?
Why should I forgive?
What they did was unforgivable!

So why forgive someone? The one point I will stress straight away is that I'm not talking about 'spiritual' or 'religious' aspects of forgiveness. I'm going to look at the psychological aspects of forgiveness.

Firstly, no one is asking you to forget. Secondly, it's up to you to forgive, no one can make you. However, forgiveness has many psychological benefits for it helps brings closure, helps you come to terms with what happened, can bring reconciliation, helps you to find peace and can help you move forward from an event.

Forgiveness is something that people often say they have done before they have processed the mental work necessary. It's also a necessary part of grieving process, when we accept what's happened and realise we can't change it. [For grieving, please see article on 'mourning'.]
It is easy to say that you forgive someone, but harder to live that forgiveness. This is especially the case when you know or live with the person. Human nature means we tend to remember experiences & incidents and recall them when similar events arise; it's part of how we learn. However, how we handle our response is another thing that is learnt, hence people tending to say they forgive before mentally processing the forgiveness journey. It's a little like those who repeat positive affirmations; the more you tell yourself that you're a strong, positive person, the more you believe it and live like it.

The act of forgiveness, as previously mentioned, helps us come to a state of peace and accepting that it happened to you. It can once and for all put the subject to bed. It releases you from the incident's grasp, alleviates your mental state, and grants you a sense of control.
If you imagine that every wrong doing done to you was a stone, place them in a backpack and carry it, how heavy would it feel? Do you want that emotional weight weighing you down? One way of alighting that weight is to remove it and its power over you. Yes, by not forgiving, the event/person is under the control of the incident/offender. To release the control it has over you, take control and release it.

As mentioned before, the mental journey you undertake is part of the forgiveness. We can do this by accepting and acknowledging our feelings, emotions and the event. [I deal with this in a previous article called, 'Mourning'.] We may not be able to undo the act carried out, nor forget it, but we can move beyond it.

When you come back from holiday, you unpack your bags and do the laundry. You then go about getting into your normal routine. This is a bit like forgiveness. You don't forget the holiday, and you unpack the baggage and give it a good wash