Mourning

When we hear the word mourning, we tend to think about bereavement, death, but it is also linked to any loss or change. We may have moved house, had a child leave home, changed job, experienced a break up in a loving relationship, as well as having suffered the loss of a loved one. So mourning is a process we go through regarding any change or loss.

At one time, I was in the armed forces and when I left, it took me ages to get over it. Why? Because until someone told me I was mourning, I didn't realise. Then the healing began. Once I recognised the state I was in I could move through it. Everyone has their own unique point of realisation and there's no fixed timescale for the healing either. It takes as long as it takes.

Grief manifests itself in many ways. There is regret, remorse, sadness, anger, catastrophiszing, and depression. These are all expressions of grief. Sometimes we cannot recognise what emotions we are experiencing, so need help with this from a friend, a listening ear and sometimes professional help. Being able to recognise the emotion is helpful and to realise that this is a manifestation of your grief, your mourning, is integral.

To move through mourning, we need to recognise and acknowledge the trigger, such as bereavement, change of lifestyle, break up of a relationship, etc. Once we acknowledge this, we begin to recognise how we feel. Do you feel angry? Sad? Happy? Depressed? There are no right or wrong answers. Acknowledge your feelings. Explore why you feel the way you do. Talk to someone, a friend, a stranger, a doctor or counsellor. By doing this you you are moving through the mourning.

Next is accepting what has happened, that it cannot be undone. It is a hard thing and can be intensely difficult to accept that the event occurred. At this point, we wish we had a time machine to undo what has been done. So accepting the event is integral and like I said, the most difficult stage of mourning. Once you accept that it's happened, you are almost there, almost through the mourning.

After accepting what has happened, it's time to carry on with everyday things. This is easier said than done. Little things can trigger emotions, memories and mental pictures. Be aware that the most unlikely scenario can stir up the memories and emotions. As you continue your journey through life, you will never forget what occurred but you will become more at peace with it.

There's no prescription that can heal. There's no thing you can change. The mourning process is what it is. Some people take a while to process mourning, whereas others are relatively swift. So try to remember;
Recognise that you're mourning
Explore & Acknowledge your feelings
Accept what happened
Continue with life
Take as long as you need

It's difficult. Seek help if you need it. Acknowledge the change has happened. By not doing this, you just shelve it till later. Mourning needs to be dealt with. So take the time to move through it.

These words seem so easy to read, so easy to write, but mourning is a hard process to go through. I'm not saying it's easy, I just know it's something you have to go through, just as I have